You know sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself and say I am not in the mood for this.
I am going to go out on a limb here.
I am touting myself as an inspirational, motivational kinda guy who has the answers to the Universe and everything.
Or maybe, I think a lot and ask the questions that provide the answers to the Universe and everything.
Only right now, I can’t be f*cking bothered with it.
The only question I can think to ask is “is there any more chocolate”.
I’ve poured my heart and soul into an amazing book and now I have to sell it.
B*ll*cks to that, really…
Can’t I just write things and enjoy tapping into the stream of consciousness and leave marketing to someone with an actual talent for it?
Personally, I wish I could win the lottery and print a couple of hundred thousand of them and give them away at bus stations.
Like the Hari-Krishnas do.
Just gift the message and have done with it.
Perhaps I could ring a little bell and chant something while I was doing it?
Like “bloody normal people, buy me some chocolate or bugger off” – not as catchy as Nam Yo Ho Renge Kyo
So maybe mutter something nice like “I Love You”
I love my life, really I do. Only I am human and I have Aspergers and stuff pisses me off. Really pisses me off!
When ‘pisses me off’ happens I have a bit of a melt down and get down on myself and cease to function for a couple of hours.
Despite my usual brilliance I am half way through hour one and I really shouldn’t be near a computer that has a live feed to the Internet.
I have all these great topics lined up and I am losing heart. Yes, I am.
I wonder if any of the great teachers felt like this? Like the twelve disciples maybe?
The sections of the bible locked away in vaults of the British Museum probably say “go away, bugger off, I am not feeling up to it”
Or Esther Hicks’ group of beings called Abraham “and we say, if you are intending to look for solution, we are not in the mood and we think you are wanting to put your attention to buggering off”.
Or Tony Robbins “I am not walking on those bloody coals you moron, give me another jack and coke”.
Right at this second in time I cannot muster the enthusiasm to write an interesting word of wisdom for my worldwide readership.
For a start where are the Japanese subscribers? Why is there no-one called Takahiro or Momoko on my list and why haven’t they offered to write the Japanese translation to LOGIC yet?
I mean, buy my book, or bugger off. If you haven’t bought it, then why are you still here?
There’s a recession?
Read ten pages of my book and you’ll be over it.
Credit crunch my gearbox and that’s putting it mildly!
No time to read?
Turn off your f*cking TV and get a life.
Visionary – yes I am – maybe this is exactly what you need to hear.
What am I attracting?
People keep interrupting me.
That was a man called Rob – he made me laugh and I am losing Mr Grumpy.
Or is the 74% dark stuff finally working its magic. Woo Hoo I am an alien. Zip zap the psychic channel to Bulgaria – Sofia here I come – hit me up with another square baby!
I remember that fantastic film ‘Crazy People’ with Dudley Moore.
It was all about advertising and he came up with an honest slogan for Volvo; “Buy Volvos, They’re Boxy But They’re Good”. “Be Safe Instead Of Sexy”.
I recall that Emory Leeson (the main character) reached breaking point and found himself in a mental institution where his career actually began to thrive with the help of the hospital’s patients.
If ONLY the world worked that way.
If only people were honest.
All positive people must have bad days, surely!
Perhaps I should be in advertising.
Joe Vitale already heralded my “I Hate Joe Vitale” post as hypnotic marketing…
So get this!
The Logic Of Attraction, observations about weird normal people by a bloke with Aspergers – Buy It Or Bugger Off And Don’t Come Back.
See you on the other side of the looking glass,