Better Than That

blog.aspegineering.com

It is my son’s fourth birthday today. We have been celebrating. While I gave him loads of gifts, the best gift I can give him today is to be genuine.

So here is an admission:

I am actually squirming as I write this…

I am a name dropper!

I discovered something I do in life which is a block for me and is at best a bit slimy but at worst completely self depreciating.

I have been hanging off my famous friends coat tails and using my association with them to further my career!

In fact if I recall, once a time upon, most of my friendships started with thinking “What can this person do for me?” and “If people see I am working with The XYZ, they will want me to work with them too!”

I think there is also a hope, if one of them tells me what I am doing is good, or endorses what I do, it will somehow validate my existence and give my life and this time around, my current product, my book, meaning.

It’s a bit like taking a tune to an A&R man and waiting for the nod, the nod of approval. The nod of approval they will only ever give when you are on fire with your own creativity. Like everything else, it’s all in the unspoken communication.

If you are a NO you’ll get a NO.

Okay there are one or two genuine friendships along the way, the rest are history so to speak, or should I say no longer to speak to.

Recently, I even tried to befriend some brand new famous people. Stephen Fry via Twitter, Bob Proctor and Joe Vitale from the movie The Secret, The Dalai Lama and Werner Erhard to name a few.

In a way, Joe Vitale is the guy who somehow (don’t ask me how) got me to realise I am being a slime ball by doing it.

I was basically working on the premise “If I can get this guy to Tweet about my book, loads of people will buy it”.

Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with doing it, a lot of people build their social networks in exactly this way.

And maybe that’s the key. Social networks. I have Aspergers and was somehow missing the point of the whole thing beyond “how can I generate more leads?”

Here’s the thing!

Because I say that I don’t and won’t do it, I now have an integrity issue.

I’ve put a lot of energy into making people notice me! Especially the famous… Trying to force their hand to get them to believe in me by sending them a book, while perhaps not believing in it enough myself.

What I have just seen about myself, is I need people who are at a certain level to validate my work. And there’s the hideous irony.

I am the guy that says there are no levels!

The interesting thing about Twitter is that I have actually made some really meaningful connections along the way.

I would go on to say, there are a small circle of us accelerating one another’s enlightenment in 140 characters or less.

So much so in fact, that I am now a YES!

If you are not already, follow me on Twitter, my user name is @mark_tywharton

Specifically check out some of the people I am following. The theme… Is LOVE!

Are any of them famous?

Not yet!

In my experience, many famous people are famous to make up for their own insecurities and helping someone else climb the ladder to fame and fortune would of course make them feel insecure, so they won’t do it!

The really meaningful connections are coming from people whose lives I am making a difference in, people I have been giving something to rather than trying to get something from.

Of course, I was attracting an exact reflection of me. So you’ll have
to take my word for it or put it down to my flawed perception 🙂

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

creative thinker | innovator | visionary

  Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Mark Ty-Wharton

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4 Comments

  1. Mark! Well done! Excellent post! I think Hiltonius is right on all counts, btw, although I’d like to add: musicians/artists/writers like to have more readers/listeners etc because it makes them feel like they are connecting with someone outside of them, but in reality, I would suggest, we are already connected, already one.

    Makes you think, right? Thanks for a great post. Reine is correct: you shine!

    PS – namedropping not only validates an artist/writer but also puts them in a social/creative context, as well as paradoxically pigeon-holing them

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  2. the work is its own reward. the approval from the outside, famous or not, is the booby prize. if you truly believe in the work and your place in it, that outside validation is unnecessary and a distraction.

    happy birthday ystes!

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  3. I’m virtually huging you right now! What a powerful self -reflection and awareness. First off, Happy birthday to your little fella! 4 is the bestest number! Second, it’s funnyo you brought this up, because for a very long time I was afraid to comment in your blogs or talk to you because I thought he must have a lot of Duran fans buttering him up and I did not want the fact I liked their music to affect my talking to you. I was blown away with these things you seen and knew and let some insecurity stop me until now from telling you so. I am glad I did. Mark, you have this energy that can draw the most intense ah ha moments from people, I am glad you know 100% now you shine! The only difference between them and you, is, more people know who they are. Does not mean they affect everyone on a deep level. But I have a feeling most people you affect changes them in some way, for the better. That is amazing.

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  4. Hi Mark,

    Great post! Love it!

    Your honesty and integrity inspire me to Kick Ass even more.

    I drop names, I”ve been out late at night with some of the kool folks you’ve reached out to, smoking cigars. I”ve noticed the temptations to make Joe a magic pill, instead of allowing him to become a friend.

    I am glad to admit that I have explored that level of bullshit, and it’s great to NOT make magic pills out of some of the most amazing people I have had the privilage to hang with, befreind, and grow with.

    Thank you for writing what must have been a very liberating article!

    Hugs and love,

    Twenty Twenty
    http://www.2020unleashed.com

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