I discovered something that terrifies me and I made the fear part disappear on my Landmark Forum.
When I am at home I talk out loud at pretty much anything and everything.
My inner dialog is external for the kettle, the toaster and everything else.
I discovered from time to time I speak out loud in public, if I am really focusing on something.
It is very common for people with Aspergers to grunt or make strange noises. My grunts come in the form of sentences from time to time.
The fear lives in “what If” as in “what if I speak my negative inner dialogues out loud”.
Like “I hate those shoes” or “she’s got a big bum” or worse.
Up until now i just went into anxiety and panic attacks at the mere thought of it. And while I love being in the machinery of my mind, I would space out instead, as well as avoid breathing so I didn’t have to deal with it.
Today I let go of the fear.
What seems to have happened is, instead of straining to keep myself quiet, I am allowing myself to just be with it.
For me, it meant “I am mad” and I was desperate to control it. And in reality I actually say some fairly sane stuff.
As a commitment to my acceptance of my inner, sometimes unintentional outer voice, I am going to clean up my act.
From now on to eternity, I choose to mention at least one positive thing in my inner dialog, about every individual who comes into my space.
And if I happen to mention your big bum out loud, you might want to consider it is only my opinion.
See you on the other side of the looking glass,