I completed The Landmark Forum last night, an empowering three day self-discovery course based on the world famous EST training, originally designed by United States Air Force leadership training consultant Werner Erhard.
The course was made famous by a string of celebrities like John Denver and Mike Oldfield whose careers literally exploded after doing it.
Werner also created The Hunger Project and consults with both Landmark and Harvard Business School.
I spent close to sixty hours in a chair exploring what it is to be human. Kind of a tough call for someone so alienated from society.
So now I am really clear where the spaced out and wacky Mark originates from. I actually connected with me. Not like an existential conversation about connecting with me, but a real connection with my being. I found “I”.
I also discovered I was quite literally born into a conversation for anxiety. Personal to me and not a part of the course. Maybe the reason I only got a fraction of what is possible in the past.
I have been in a state of general anxiety from the day I was born. I was given phenol barbitone when I was a tiny baby and was an agitated child. Pretty extreme. Poor me.
And suddenly here I am 46 years in with glimpses into what it is like to have normal adrenalin levels without using depression as the control factor.
What I really got was I have been using anxiety and panic attacks to manipulate people into giving me special consideration.
What I got to see from my participation in the course is that I don’t breathe properly. I hyperventilate and end up thinking really crazy stuff. And have done it so much, the unreality of it dictates my reality.
It is a very effective way of controlling people. “Look after me or I will lose it” leaves friends and family at their wits end wondering what to do.
Then we dealt with the issue of fear on the course. For some it disappeared. For me, I am in a place where I can take responsibilty for myself and do something about it.
I invent a new beginning for myself and recreate myself as a clearing for the possibility of being truly magical.
And I can see my relationship to my past is dictated by the possibility I invent for my future.
So my experience over the past few days occurs for me as truly magical, right down to the leader Jerry Baden, the flowers and the snow.
I also understood the whole course and was present (in mind at least) to the language right down to the commas.
So what next?
My transport museum conversation is expanding really quickly. I am piecing together key people to make it work and may even have someone lined up to buy the building to put it in.
Landmark disappeared my issues about marketing forever. And, I have partnered with someone to market my book.
I also made a decision to purchase a product which deals specifically with anxiety and panic. To do the program the way it is designed and to complete it.
I ordered Panic Away and have been working through the program.
It is all very grounding.
See you on the other side of the looking glass,
mark ty wharton